Gratitude and Perspective

I just finished watching the movie Henry Poole Was Here. It wasn't a movie that I loved, but I felt too invested to not finish it. So I did. Without spoiling the movie, I will say I took away the message about living in the moment and enjoying the gifts we have. 

I'm trying this year, sometimes successfully and other moments not quite so much, to be present. Life last year was a wicked reminder that nothing is guaranteed and that our lives can change in an instant. (The ironic thing with cancer is that we feel as though our lives change in an instant, yet the change is already happening inside our bodies for some time before it's discovered. Perhaps that's too deep for this blog, but I'd like to think the same is true for positive changes as well ... that they're occurring long before we see the results.) Anyways, my intention is to be present and soak in the moments, finding the joy and happiness that exists each day.

Last week Teddy woke up at 3:30 a.m. Not for a bit before falling back asleep. No, he woke up for the day at 3:30 a.m. 

I'll be the first to admit my gratitude at 3:30 a.m. is outweighed by my desire for sleep. However, I checked weather and determined that, yes, indeed, it was warm enough to take Teddy outdoors. So Dave hung with him until 4:30 while I was super productive prepping cookies and breads for my bakery. Then we bundled Teddy in snowpants and all his gear (because warm enough in Wisconsin March still means snow gear to protect from the chill). And we headed to run with my friend at 5 a.m.

5 a.m. photos are a bit blurry.

Fortunately, I have incredible friends who aren't surprised when we have an extra running buddy for our early morning runs. Better yet, a few of them willingly offer to help push him! Teddy absolutely loves hanging with my friends and loves running with us (even if there's no popcorn and barstools afterward). So we did 5 miles of both cardio and strength training (as he weighs a solid 100 pounds now, plus his chair) before 6 a.m. 

Although we joked about being out of shape for pushing, I headed home from that run filled with gratitude that I can still run with Teddy. So many things have become more difficult or impossible through the years, and this is something we both love doing together that we can continue to do. 

And, let's be honest, few things make you feel more like a kickbutt human than pushing your son for a 5-mile run at 5 a.m. even if you wish he was still sleeping then.  

For the Love of Sleep

If you've followed this blog since the early days, you know that sleep has been a challenge for Teddy through the years. Generally speaking, it's improved much in the last several years in terms of sleeping through the night, though we still have a much earlier "Teddy" alarm than we'd like most days. Trust me, if you need a good alarm clock to pry your tired self out of bed, I highly recommend one that involves 80+ pounds kicking a wooden door while moaning loudly. Works like a charm for us. ;-)

Of course, travel is still hard, which means vacations are challenging, and we rarely sleep anywhere aside from our home and our land where Teddy is accustomed to the setting. We drive 4, 5 or 6 hours in a day to make day visits to family rather than spend the night because we know that sleep will be hard to find.

But, generally speaking, Teddy does sleep better. We've worked with his neurologist to find the right combination of medications to both help manage seizures and help us all get rest at night. The trouble is that most of them help more with falling asleep (and restless legs, which he has as well) than remaining asleep. 

On Groundhog's Day, he woke up at 3:30 and was up for the day. I took the early shift that day because I didn't have to work my office job, so I figured I could catch a nap perhaps while he was at school. Given that I already had plans to run with a friend at 5 a.m. and it was warm enough to bring Teddy, I bundled him up, loaded his chair and headed out the door shortly after 4:30 a.m. If you're wondering what warm enough to bring Teddy is for Wisconsin winter, I aim for right around 30 with minimal wind. He was so darn excited to go running! While my friend was a bit surprised, she pitched in pushing him. I joked to him that though it was Groundhog's Day that we weren't repeating this. 

Can you see his excitement?

Post run - still smiling despite the early hour.

Of course, I lied. That was Friday, and Tuesday morning he was up for the day at 2:30 a.m. (We think he fell out of bed that morning and woke up when he hit his hard floor. Game over. Up for the day.) Dave took the first 1.5-2 hours, and then I took over. Again, it was warm enough, and I already had plans for running, so off we went for a 5 a.m. run. My friend are great, so this friend was a lifesaver when my fingers were numb in getting Teddy out of his chair and buckled into the truck. 

Groundhog's Day repeated. Still all smiles. 

Now if you're wondering if he napped at all either of those days ... nope. Not at all. He was definitely tired but powered through the whole day. 

The good news is he had a neuro appointment last week, so we were able to discuss his early morning wakings. We did a medication adjustment, so hopefully once he gets adjusted at the new dose (and over this virus that causes coughing fits that wake him up now), we'll all get some better rest. 

Pure Joy

I've often said that Teddy lives in the moment, and he had some very joyful moments last week Thursday. We spent our first night in a hotel in at least 18 months. 

Some kids love hotels for swimming pools, like AJ. Others love the endless selection of shows on TV, like my enjoyment of the Food Network. (OK, most people now have access to so much media that this isn't exciting, but we have never had cable.) Teddy, well, he simply enjoys being someplace different that's not entirely Teddy-proofed.

From the moment he rode into the hotel on his chariot (the luggage rack), he was grinning ear to ear behind his mask. He couldn't contain his joy when we got into the room and immediately ran around exploring everything. He bounced on the bed. He laid on the bed and did his happy feet. He sat on the couch for a millisecond. He discovered there were holes in the wall and insisted that each of us try out each hole to see what we could see. He discovered the bathroom. He discovered the phone. He found the TV remote. 

Teddy loved the windows in the wall. 

He spent at least an hour bouncing around the room. We attempted to settle him for bed around 9, but he chose instead to perch on the air conditioner like a cat staring out the curtain into the parking lot. (He might have dislodged the cover on the air conditioner. Apparently it's not designed for cats the size of Teddy.) 

Teddy was channeling his inner cat.

He finally settled down to sleep by 10:30 p.m. without tears or screaming from any of us. He simply was too excited to lay still. He also stayed asleep until right around 5:45 a.m. For many people, that's insanely early. For Teddy in a hotel room, that's what we'd call a great night's sleep. 

We were both anxious about a hotel stay for multiple reasons, COVID being one of them. The reality is, though, that our biggest concern in hotels is always how Teddy will sleep. We've spent nights trying to get him to sleep until after midnight. We also have routinely been awake before 5 a.m., often on nights that he didn't fall asleep until extremely late. We also had that one morning when he woke up for the day ... at 2:30 ... in the morning. When you spend all your energy fighting him to sleep only to wake up insanely early, it's grueling. 

So in some ways, this was a test of the Teddy travel system. If we had a horrible night's sleep, we would have spent from now until our next trip dreading it because of the sleep struggles. I know one good night's sleep is not a guarantee of peaceful dreams for every night when traveling, but it gives us hope that with his development and the multiple medications intended to help his body rest at night, that vacations might be slightly less stressful.

And that, my friends, is a reason for sweet dreams. 

I Remember When 2 a.m. Was Bedtime ...

 ... a long, long time ago the semester I lived in Spain. Even when I returned stateside, I had no desire to be awake at 2 a.m. That hasn't changed in all the years since college as I firmly believe 2 a.m. is meant for sleeping.

Teddy, on the other hand, determined that 2 a.m. was the perfect time to wake up Sunday morning. We were at the land, and he began stirring and moving around. He was sleeping on the bed next to Dave, and I was on the couch.  I checked my watch and realized it was 2 a.m. and hoped he'd settle back to sleep quickly. Then I heard him cough and realized we had forgotten to bring his rescue medication for seizures down to the land. Immediately, my mind was wide awake piecing together that obviously since our childcare provider was being tested for COVID that Teddy was probably sick and that's why he woke up, he had a fever and would start seizing and determining which one of us would call 911 to get an ambulance to meet the other en route to the hospital 20 minutes away. All because of a single cough. I spent the next 30 minutes worrying about all of this for two reasons:

1. When your child has taken two ambulance rides due to seizures (one of them intubated), the fear of illness and the associated seizures is very real. We spend every winter on heightened alert because of flu season. We worry that when Teddy wakes up in the middle of the night that its because he's ill and has a fever. Trust me, there have been too many times he's woken up in the night for us to discover her with temps over 100. When you add in potential COVID exposure, your mind goes to bad places, no matter how much you rationalize that potential exposure as minimal. With all these fears, the obvious thing would be to check him for a temperature immediately, right?
2. Except for the fact that when Teddy wakes up in the middle of the night, he will not settle back down if you acknowledge you're awake. Once he realizes you're awake, then he wants to play. Or wake up everyone in the room. Or go for tractor rides. Or do anything but sleep.

At 2:30, I heard Dave give up and acknowledge he was awake. Then I spent the next 30 minutes trying to tell myself I could fall back asleep because Dave would check Teddy for signs of illness. Dave attempted to get Teddy to snuggle back to sleep to no avail. 

So at 3 a.m. Teddy and I headed out to the Tahoe. That might seem odd, but middle of the night drives are fairly common to get Teddy asleep or to occupy him while others are trying to sleep. We drove (often at idle speed) around the land, down the road to the county park and back around the land. After an hour of driving, I was hoping Teddy might be tired enough to sleep because I certainly was. I knew by the occasional giggle that he probably wasn't, but it was worth an attempt.

After 10-15 minutes of blatant disregard for sleep, Dave took Teddy back to the Tahoe. He put in a movie for Teddy to watch, reclined the seat and attempted to get some sleep. (I had offered to go put a movie on for Teddy in the vehicle, but I planned to lay down a seat, bring a sleeping bag and pillow and snooze with Teddy securely strapped in his carseat. (It's one of the few ways that Teddy is truly contained, so it would be safe to rest.) I got to go back to bed for a few hours, until I woke up at 7 a.m. and texted Dave that I could take over (out of a sense of obligation, not because I was well rested). He brought Teddy into our garage, and Dave got a couple more hours of sleep while the boys and I ate breakfast, went for ranger rides and even a short tractor ride. 

Teddy fared remarkably well that day, only a few minor meltdowns and some whining on the drive home. He was exhausted but had no desire to sleep until he finally crashed at 7:30 p.m. How that child can manage to be awake from 2 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. with no caffeine is beyond me ... heck, me being awake as much of that time as I was even with caffeine is beyond me. 

2 a.m. to 2 p.m. and going strong. 

Early Mornings that are Worth It

I used to like mornings. I would define myself as a morning person and enjoyed that quiet space when I could be productive, get a head start on baking projects, go for a run with friends or watch the news. But with my children, Teddy in particular, there is no sanctity in mornings anymore. Both my boys are early risers, but AJ is independent and knows better than to intentionally wake me unless he needs something (although sometimes he's noisier than he intends). Teddy, on the other hand, is contained to his room until we let him out. Sometimes our efforts to entertain him with toys that we set in there after he falls asleep works. Other times he empties his clothes drawers, despite the child safety locks, and dresses himself. Or takes the picture off his wall that he shouldn't be able to reach. Or kicks at the wall or the door until we come to do his bidding. There's nothing peaceful about mornings with Teddy, and there's definitely no sleeping in with him, unless Dave and I rotate turns on the weekends.

But, Teddy usually wakes up happy and rewards you with smiles and giggles, along with his demands. The challenge is that he wakes up incredibly early at our land. What's incredibly early? 4 a.m. is the earliest ranging as late as perhaps 5 a.m. I think his sleep cycle is really light then and that at home he can often doze back off, or at least roll around half asleep for a while. At the land, he rolls around and discovers there are others in his bed, so it must be time to play. 

Dave deserves sainthood because he's the one who usually takes Teddy in those wee morning hours. They often head to town to fill up the vehicle with gas, drive around our property looking for deer and generally just kill time until it becomes a more acceptable hour. I've offered to help, or at the very least tag team, so that Dave can get some additional rest. He finally took me up on that offer this weekend, so he took Teddy from 4:30 to 6:30, and I took Teddy from 6:30 to 8:30. 

Such pretty mornings. They'd still be pretty at 6 a.m. instead of 4 a.m.

Teddy and I first took a drive around the land in the Tahoe, mostly because that's where Teddy was when Dave handed him off to me. Then I loaded him into his running chair to go for a walk. We checked on the fire and walked down to the river. After about an hour, we headed back to the garage. We played LEGOs inside our hanging tent chair, which is large enough to fit me, him and the LEGO bin, but not with much room to spare. We had breakfast and finally woke up Dave for some family cuddles.

Early morning smiles. I think he's happy to have a stick to whack me.

For someone who wakes up at 4 a.m., Teddy handles it much better than most people would. He is in remarkably good spirits for the day and loves being at the land. More than one day gets pretty tiring, but it's amazing to see how well he holds up. If only we had his energy ...

In the Middle of the Night

I remember hearing stories from other parents who panicked when their relatively newborns slept through the night unexpectedly, waking up and rushing to check that they were OK and nothing bad happened. That never happened to us, either because our children never slept that darn well at an age where we would have panicked, we were too exhausted to notice or we were just more relaxed in our parenting style (or some combination of the three).

As time has passed with Teddy, though, we've worked through many times that he's awake in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning. Sometimes he's crying, sometimes he's just whimpering and sometimes he's kicking the walls. (Yeah, that is annoying to say the least.) Teddy cannot leave his room on his own for his own safety. (Left to his own devices, he could elope from the house if he unlocked the garage, got in a vehicle and used the garage door opener to open the doors. He's done exactly that, just not in the middle of the night).

Since he's non-verbal, there's also no way for him to call to us to let us know if he had a bad dream, if he's thirsty or, most importantly, if he's not feeling well. So we're left to guess, when we're half asleep, whether it's something that requires us to check on him.

You might think the natural thing to do as a good parent is always to check to make sure he's OK. But, with Teddy, it's not uncommon for him to be awake at night. Us intervening when nothing is wrong can turn into Teddy deciding it's morning and that we should go downstairs to play. That's not what we want at 4 a.m.

So, unless he's hysterical, it's a guessing game where intuition is the only advantage we have. Sometimes he's only whimpering, but I'll have a nagging feeling and check to make sure he doesn't have a fever. That's how we've discovered a few illnesses that completely shift our plans for the day because a fever immediately puts Teddy at risk for a seizure.

Sometimes, though, that nagging feeling is worry rather than intuition. That still results in one of us laying by him until he falls back asleep because checking on him and just heading back to bed results in hysterics as soon as we shut his door.

This morning, it was worry. That's why I'm writing this at 4:30 a.m. Dave volunteered to lay with him, so I can still meet my friends to run at 4:45 a.m. (Yes, we know we're crazy.) Such is life with Ted.

This camera can't tell us whether Teddy's sick. That takes the human touch.

We Ventured on Vacation

Our family is known for its adventurous vacations, road tripping across our country to explore our national parks. This year's vacations look a bit different because we're extremely fortunate to experience Disney this summer with Dave's family. That's going to be far more adventurous for us than any of our previous trips. 

We also had a reason to be in Tennessee a few weeks ago to spread my grandfather's ashes on his birthday, so we decided to pull the kids from school for a week to enjoy and explore the areas. We headed down past Chicago on a Thursday night and made it down to Tennessee by late Friday. I was amazed at how well the children rode the entire trip. We had barely any tears through the entire trip ... at least due to car rides. 

This was the first time the boys met my grandmother (and much of the family on my mom's side). They were welcomed with open arms, and Teddy couldn't have been more excited to see a lawn mower sitting in the yard. My aunt alternated her time between giving Teddy rides on the mower and playing games with AJ. Both boys adored her, and I appreciated the chance to visit with some of my family while they were playing with her. 

Teddy spent much of his time on this lawn mower, along with anyone he could grab.

Saturday and Sunday were family-filled days with perfect weather. It was really neat to spend time with family that I rarely see and actually get to know one of my cousins. (AJ was completely smitten with her and describes her as my really nice cousin who likes cats a lot.) 

Teddy snuggling for a moment with his great grandma under the supervision of his uncle.

We had talked about having my parents keep the boys for one day, and I even got them to agree to taking them overnight. However, that overnight was something that sounded good in theory but not in real life when Teddy doesn't sleep on vacation. So, we kept Teddy for the overnight with plans to meet in the morning to drop off the boys. That didn't happen because we spent 2 hours in the middle of the night up with a feverish Teddy working to get him soothed, medicated, monitored and back to sleep ... while looking up walk-in clinics and the nearest ER just in case. That sickness threw a wrinkle into our trip, but we managed to avoid anything worse than fever, constant running nose, coughs and less than $50 between the doctor visit, pharmacy and over-the-counter meds. 

So, Dave and I didn't get our day away from the boys because we wanted to keep a close eye on Teddy. We did that by hiking up the side of a mountain to a waterfall. It was a fantastic hike, despite the rain all the way down. We met up that evening for dinner with my family at one of our very few restaurant meals. Teddy does not sit well at restaurants unless he's really hungry, so it's just easier to eat snacks while driving and piece together meals in hotel rooms. Trust me, I'm a pro at making mac n cheese, quesadillas, chips and cheese and even whipped up some masterpiece burritos this trip. 

We spent Tuesday exploring Great Smoky Mountains as well, getting both boys their Junior Ranger badges. Before we left Wednesday, I ran to the accessible trail head while Dave and the boys ate breakfast. They brought me breakfast, and we enjoyed a family walk at a leisurely pace, stopping to enjoy the snails that we finally spotted. 

I love how much AJ loves Teddy. He's such a helper. 

Then we headed to Mammoth Caves. We spent some time exploring the land above the caves before heading below the next day for the accessible tour. It's great that there's a tour that makes the cave accessible for nearly everyone since strollers and backpacks of any kind are not permitted. We weren't sure if we'd make it through the entire tour because it's hard for Teddy to sit in his wheelchair for extended periods if we're not constantly moving. We did pretty well for a while, and then we had a phenomenal ranger who let Teddy hold her flashlight and even helped him shine her flashlight at the cave ceiling to look at crystals. She engaged him in conversation and did everything she could to help him enjoy the experience. We didn't make it through the entire tour, though, and had to head to the surface early with a ranger escort. Although that wasn't ideal, I couldn't have been happier with our experience with that ranger. (I did send an e-mail to the National Park Service afterward because I believe positive feedback is critical, not just complaining when something goes wrong.)

Teddy's aunt captured this great shot of Teddy.

The rest of our trip included stops at Lincoln's boyhood and adult homes, where we learned so much about one of our nation's greatest presidents. Seriously, Abe's mom died of milk sickness, which is such a weird thing. Google it. It's interesting.

But the highlight for the boys was the park that Dave and I feel shouldn't be a park, but that's beside the point: Gateway Arch. They both loved the tram ride 630 feet into the sky in the space pod, as we called it. Teddy thought it was so cool that he got to explore the top of the arch and peer out the window surrounded by 80+ of his closest friends. (So many people packed in such a small space!)

We ended our trip with a visit to Indiana Dunes, which we visited last fall when it was a National Lakeshore. It was upgraded to a National Park this winter, so we had to check it off our official list. It was the 50th national park for me and Dave, the 38th for AJ and 36th for Teddy. It also allows us to say we've visited all the national parks in the lower 48 ... again ... for now ... until they upgrade any more ...

Vacations have never been relaxing for us, and they'll continue to evolve over time as we adapt to Teddy's changing needs. For that Disney trip in June, though, I think I need to call Teddy's neurologist to find something that helps that child sleep for the sake of everyone's sanity!

I love hiking, even when my pack wiggles, giggles and tries to steal my sunglasses.

Party All Night 'Til the Break of Dawn and Then All Day

Welcome to my life.

I'm quite terrified for our upcoming vacation given Teddy's current track record for sleeping at his grandparents' houses. You might recall Easter or any example from my parents' farm. If he sleeps this poorly on vacation, I expect a very stressed family.

So this past weekend we headed to De Pere for a wedding rehearsal and left the boys with Dave's parents. We headed back to their house around 10 to sleep there until the alarm went off at 5:30 a.m. for Teddy to participate in the Bellin Run with myTEAM Triumph.

Well, the Teddy alarm went off at 2 a.m. instead. Teddy woke up, and instead of falling back asleep, he decided he was wide awake. Dave took him for a drive to keep him from waking the rest of the house and hopefully reset him to allow him to fall back asleep. One bright note from their hour of driving is that Teddy knows where our sitter in Green Bay lives. He recognized where we exit for her house, began pointing and making sounds until Dave drove past her road. Since he doesn't talk, it's often hard to know what he knows, but this was pretty obvious and neat to know.

Unfortunately, that drive did not calm Teddy down, so I took over shortly after they returned and booted Dave to bed. (Dave was the best man at the wedding that day, so getting some sleep was pretty important for him.) Teddy and I played in the basement, although he was upset to be down there instead of upstairs by all the people, went for a drive, attempted to lay down a few times and then went to pick up donuts for all the kids once it was 5 a.m. When we returned, AJ and one of the cousins were awake and excited to see the donuts. Teddy was just happy someone was finally awake to play with him. Teddy ate a quick breakfast, and then we headed off to the Bellin Run, a 6.2-mile race.

Teddy was in a really good mood, considering his early morning. He enjoyed the run, smiling and making friends with two angels who were new to us. I've run the Bellin a number of times but enjoyed the opportunity to spectate to watch all the crazy fast runners as well as a bunch of the myTEAM Triumph teams cross the finish line.

When we got back to my in-law's house, all the cousins were awake and ready to play. I sent Dave back to lay down for a bit because he wasn't feeling well. After he came back downstairs, I decided to try napping for 20 minutes before showering and getting ready for the wedding. But then Teddy's cup went missing, which meant I ran to the store to buy another one since there are only a few cups that he can drink from easily. Dave managed to get Teddy down while I was gone, so at least Teddy got a much-needed 2-hour nap.

The wedding went well, and Dave's folks kept the boys until right before dinner. Teddy wanted little to do with sitting for dinner but enjoyed exploring the hall. As soon as dinner was done, I let him free from his chair to explore. He put on 2 miles (seriously, 4,000 steps) during the 2 hours after dinner. He loved the freedom to run all around the reception hall, grabbing random people to try to take them places and sitting at tables with people who I didn't even know.

Teddy's new hobby? He'd like to be a wedding crasher.

Once the music started, he began dancing in his own goofy way. He definitely loves music and likes to dance. Dave got a short video of Teddy dancing, but you can see the video ends when Teddy beelines to Dave to have him join our dance party.

Dave's folks came to pick up two exhausted, dance-weary boys around 9 p.m. Dave and I stayed until the end (since that's the expectation when you're the best man). It really was a fun wedding, but I was so ready to go to bed when midnight arrived. I do believe that's the only time I've ever been awake for 22 hours, and I'm good with that remaining the only time in my life.

But the next day, Teddy managed to sleep until 7 a.m. He had enough energy to explore and enjoy a dairy breakfast before heading to our house for a (remarkable, yet needed) afternoon nap.

This kid loves his tractors!

Easter Morning Shenanigans

Let's just say that Teddy was concerned it would take him extra time to find his Easter basket, so he got up early to make sure he had time to find it before 5:45 a.m. sunrise Mass.

That's the only logical explanation for him waking up at 1:50 a.m. and staying up for the day, right?

Nevermind that he didn't know he was getting an Easter basket. Or that he didn't care about looking for his basket that was right in front of him. Or that he didn't want to play with anything from his basket until he realized there was a giant chocolate rabbit, which happened around 3:20 a.m.

Think he's happy?

Now, most parents might not let their child eat a chocolate bunny at 3:25 a.m. Then again, most parents aren't awake with their child at 3:25 a.m. Nor have most parents been up for 1.5 hours with that particular child.

Those ears don't stand a chance against Teddy.

He enjoyed that bunny. He decided to start with the ears and then eat off the tail. His audience included me, Dave and Dave's mom. We spent a small portion of the night sleeping at their house to go to Mass with them. We spent a larger portion of the night playing in the basement with Teddy.

If this pattern of party all night when we're not at home continues every time we're not at home, I'm not quite sure what we'll do. (Curse and cry are givens for me, but those won't solve anything.) I'm not my best self when I get less than 4 hours of sleep. Teddy's not his best self when he only gets 6 hours of sleep, although he smiles a lot more than I do on that little sleep. We're still all a bit sleep deprived, so we're hoping for another restful night tonight.

He's lucky he's so stinkin' cute.

Thanksgiving Eve

What? You've never heard of Thanksgiving Eve?

It's a thing in our family, as is evidenced by this post from last year and this post. It's taken me a week or so to get past Thanksgiving, so I could write about this with better perspective.

Since Dave hunts, Thanksgiving consists of me heading to my folks' house with the boys. We used to spend several days there, but it's shortened to just a day or so because the boys are now in school. And it works out to be some sort of stressful event every year.

There was the year that we showed up with a stomach bug and left every single person, which was quite a few given all the company there for deer hunting season, vomiting and miserable. Oops. (In my defense, I did call ahead and ask if they preferred if we stayed away with our sickness.) Then there was the year that Teddy went to bed at 3 a.m. That was a rough year. Last year is chronicled in the link above, but it consists of waking up at roughly 3 a.m.

This year we determined we'd skip school Wednesday, leave bright and early when the boys woke up and spend all day Wednesday at the farm. We'd spend the night and head to my in-laws' house Thursday afternoon.

Well, AJ woke up at 3 a.m. screaming because his ear hurt, which resulted in two things. One, I was up from 3 a.m. Two, we spent until 11 a.m. at the doctor's office and pharmacy to get medication for his ear infection. Bright and early departure ... yeah, right.

The trip over was uneventful, thankfully, and the boys enjoyed their afternoons. I was absolutely shocked at the effort and success my mom had with Teddy-proofing one of the guest rooms. She stripped the room down to two single beds with two crates of books. Considering the room was a bunk bed-style bedroom with a desk that served as her office, I was in awe that she condensed the office into the closet and had removed everything from that room. It truly is a testament to how much she loves Teddy and me to make every effort to help Teddy sleep better at her house.

Unfortunately, her efforts seemed to go unnoticed by Teddy at bedtime. He was bound and determined to leave the room, so we struggled with bed from 7:30 to 10 p.m. In hindsight, it would almost be laughable how stressed I was. At the time, I was beyond frustrated with my inability to get Teddy to settle down and sleep. It didn't help that I had been up since 3 a.m., but I know I would have lost my patience regardless.

Teddy eventually settled to sleep around 10 a.m. and stayed asleep until 6 a.m. when he was ready to conquer the day. I was quite glad, once again, to head to the Turkey Trot to run 5 miles to wash away the last of the stress from the evening prior.

I realized, though, as I drove home with the boys what a terrific example of unconditional love my parents set for me. Despite me losing my patience and ending up in tears that evening, both my mom and my dad did their best to help. As challenging as that evening was, it served as a strong reminder of unconditional love and set the example for me to strive to follow with Teddy ... even when he won't sleep.

When's the Last Time You Called Poison Control?

Based on the title of this post alone, you know it's going to be a good one, right?

Let me share a little bit about our day, which can mostly be captured with my Facebook posts. Here's the first one, shortly after my first failed attempt to put Teddy down for a nap:

Snowman fun after baking the pizza AJ made at school. Teddy is not in the picture because he insisted on heading to the neighbor's house repeatedly. It's not his fault. They invited him over. I mean, their garage door was open, so that's like an open invite to Teddy. 
 

AJ was waving the snowman's arm.

I swear that an open garage door, or better worse yet, an open door on a vehicle emits this strange frequency that only Teddy can here, summoning his presence. Once our neighbors left their vehicle hatch open for an extended period, presumably drying out something inside the vehicle. Let's just say we had to go inside because we couldn't keep Teddy in our yard. Today I chased him down at least three times as he headed to the neighbor's house. Had I let him be, I'm sure he would have been happily inside playing with their little girls' toys or trying to climb into their fishing boat.

Would it be rude of me to bake all our neighbors cookies and deliver them with a request to keep their garage doors and vehicle doors shut?

Fast forward about an hour later when Teddy should be tired from playing outside. Nap time, round two. He seems to be settling down after some of his usual thumps, so I decide to get a head start baking birthday treats for Dave (and eat lunch since it's 1:30 p.m.) Maybe he fell asleep, but wait, did I just hear him? Hmm, that's a lot of thumping, but he's not upset, so we'll finish up our baking (and LEGO time for AJ). Oops, he's crying. Better go rescue him.

30 minutes later came my next Facebook post:

Good news-Teddy used his fine motor skills to open a bottle with a twisting motion. 

Bad news-he did it when he was supposed to be napping.

Worse news-it was a bottle of Tylenol from the diaper bag hanging in his closet.

Best news-Poison Control says he'll be just fine, even if the bottle was full before he got it open. (And there's a chance he ate none. He won't tell me.)

Then he was playing in the toilet twice while I was on the phone with Poison Control. Sometimes I wish he wasn't developing all these skills ... eh, I just realize he use them more appropriately.

This is the second time I've had to call Poison Control. Fortunately both were relatively minor incidents with no significant risk of harm, so instead of panicking I simply felt guilty about being a bad parent as I made the call. For some reason, I'd much rather call his pediatrician's office than Poison Control, even though I know the nurse is going to tell me to call Poison Control.

Based on comments to my Facebook post, quite a few other parents make use of this valuable resource. (Seriously, I appreciate their knowledge, calm demeanor and let's not forget their non-judgemental responses.) And I had one other person who has children with the same type of diagnosis as Teddy share a picture of her son after he drank from the toilet, imitating their family dog.

Sure, I could have posted pictures of the cupcakes I baked and just our snowman, but that doesn't tell the rest of the story that happened during the making of those events. Sometimes, folks, we just need to keep it real.

Happy Thanksgiving ... Is Over

Get it? I'm wishing you a belated Happy Thanksgiving ... and I'm happy Thanksgiving is over.

The boys and I headed over to my folks' farm Wednesday afternoon. We spent a fun afternoon playing in the snow, building snowmen and Teddy getting 4-wheeler rides with Grandpa. We enjoyed ice cream for dinner, following my family's tradition that whoever gets a deer while hunting has to buy ice cream for the entire group (including the non-hunters). AJ listened to stories with Grandma Goose, as he calls my mom, while I stayed with Teddy until he fell asleep. Then AJ went to bed without a peep, and I played cards a bit with my family before heading to bed.

Snow much fun!

Then the fun began. Teddy woke once, and settled back down fairly easily. But when he woke again, he wouldn't settle down. What resulted was at least an hour of fairly quiet flopping around, sitting on my neck, kicking me and constant adjusting. The real problems began when he discovered two things:

1. There was a door that led out of the room.
2. AJ was sleeping on the bed right above him.

The first discovery came when I finally gave into the urge to use the bathroom (partially to give myself a quick break from Teddy and my increasing frustration). The second came when Teddy began screaming when I wouldn't let him leave the room, and those screams woke up AJ.

So between 4-4:30 a.m., I took Teddy out to the car to give AJ the opportunity to fall back asleep. After I had a meltdown (because I'm guessing I'd been up with Teddy since probably 2 a.m.) while Teddy contentedly played in the car, we took a quick drive around the block to give Teddy a break. Well, that backfired because when we went back in the house, I found AJ sobbing quietly.

Apparently, AJ saw the car lights leave and thought we were leaving without him. My brother got him calmed down to quiet sobs, and I consoled him while Teddy was all excited to see AJ. AJ offered to sing Teddy a song to make him fall asleep, so AJ serenaded us with Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Needless to say, that didn't work.

At 5 a.m. I took both boys to the car to hang out until others in my family awoke. The reason we were in the car is because there's no place to easily contain Teddy and keep the boys fairly quiet without waking the whole house or chasing Teddy everywhere. It's simply so much harder to have Teddy anywhere than home because our home is as Teddy-proof as any place (aside from a padded room) could be, and there's space to go with him.

Car selfie at 5 a.m. Yippee!

I was quite happy when 6:30 a.m. rolled around because it meant I passed my adorable children off to my folks and went for a 5-mile Turkey Trot run with my brother. My patience was recharged when we returned since it had been depleted during the hours of 2-6:30 a.m.

Who doesn't want their picture with a turkey?

Dinner was another struggle with Teddy, though, because he does not sit well in regular chairs and is still refusing high chairs. I ate after I finished feeding him (no big sacrifice there ... Whole 30 doesn't make Thanksgiving the feast it normally is). During the meal, two glasses of wine were spilled (one because AJ's LEGO tower fell). Then AJ almost stuck his arm in the Cool Whip on his pie. While I was trying to prevent that mess, I flipped the entire piece of pie on the floor, Cool Whip side down. Oh, this was after Teddy stole my 94-year-old grandpa's cane and whacked him in the head and shoved the cane in the pumpkin pie. I do believe comedy of errors is an accurate description for our meal.

As I told a friend, I enjoyed spending time with my family, but the rest of the holiday sucked. There's always next year. Maybe we can top this year ... or the year we were at my folks for Thanksgiving and got everyone puking ... or the year Teddy decided not to go to bed until 3:30 a.m.

I think it's safe to say that Thanksgiving is not quite my favorite holiday.

Camping

One of our favorite things to do before children used to be camping. It's still one of our favorite family activities, but we've made a few tweaks along the way to accommodate two children. For example, we now plan easy meals like penny hot dogs rather than time-consuming ones like shish kabobs. We also expect to get kicked, punched and boot stomped through the course of the night as we have one, sometimes two, young ninja warriors sharing our air bed with us. But it's worth it for the family memories.

Hammock time with Teddy is fun, just not relaxing.

We headed to Porcupine Mountains State Park in upper Michigan last weekend. This was the first place we ever took AJ camping, but Teddy's never been, which means we haven't made it there in more than years. Huge storms had ravaged the area twice in the past week or so, so roads and trails were closed along the way and there was no power when we arrived. Since we camp in a tent, that didn't impact us too much beyond walking a bit further to use the pit toilet for the first couple hours until power was restored.

Friday was nearly 90 degrees, which is rather toasty for the shores of Lake Superior. We made the most of that by enjoying Lake Superior when it's usually frigid waters felt slightly warmer. Both boys loved the water, although Teddy kept trying to drink the waves as they came in. I'm pretty sure he wasn't thirsty ... just having fun.

Check out Captain AJ's sand beard ... and forehead ... and chest ... and legs.

We spent time at the beach both Friday and Saturday, playing in the water (Dave rudely tackled me in one day because I "accidently" splashed him a little bit.), collecting rocks (AJ), trying to escape up the wooden stairs (Teddy) and having plenty of fun (all of us).

Teddy thought this was pretty funny.

Despite the heat, we did a bit of hiking around the Presque Isle area, which is a gorgeous place with waterfalls, wild blueberries and trails to explore. It's fun to watch AJ learn to forage for wild berries and teach him which ones are which. He's a huge fan of thimbleberries, as is Teddy. They're a delicious berry that we've only found in abundance in the UP. My best description of them is they taste like a fruit rollup, and I mean that as a good thing. We were lucky they were starting to ripen while we were there, so we at least got to sample them.

Last time we were here, there was water covering this crossing.

AJ's favorite type of hiking is rambling scrambling on rocks. He liked checking out Lake of the Clouds between the storm damage on the board walk with the caution tape around the openings, the views of the lake with the magnifying viewer and scrambling up the rocks. Teddy had been up early that morning, so he was a bit tired but made it until we started heading home to snooze.

AJ showed me the path around the water.

It reminded us of how much we enjoy camping, so we're going to squeeze in as much as we can yet this late summer. In two weeks, we'll head to Pictured Rocks, which is one of our favorite places.

Bedtime ... I don't need no stinkin' bedtime ...

The subject line was my husband's Facebook post this weekend. We went through about a week where Teddy magically went down on his own, no protest or fuss, without really being sleep trained again through the painful screaming process. And then it stopped.

Note the look of protest at the thought of bed at 10:15 p.m.

We had at least 3 nights in a row where he was up until 10 p.m. He even managed midnight one night because he's a party animal. He likes to pull open his closet doors, rifle through the diapers and see what exciting things we hide in there. (Sorry, bud, it's pretty much diapers, even though one time you found a new pair of shoes, which was a true jackpot for you!) One night he pulled about 50 wipes out of the wipe container ... see, he's just practicing his fine motor skills?

It doesn't help matters that he's finally mastered turning and opening his door handle, which is great grip strength and dexterity, but it hinders the sleep process when he escapes. I know we need to put a child door lock on his door, but I almost hate to discourage his new skill. (I hate not sleeping more, though, at least after a few nights in a row.)

The only time he's interested in movies is 9 p.m. at night.

Teddy Time

With Dave out of town for a trade show this weekend, I happily accepted my in-law's offer to watch AJ for the weekend. AJ got to spend the weekend playing with his three oldest cousins, getting spoiled rotten and loving every minute.

And I got some 1:1 time with Teddy. The last time I had any considerable amount of time with Teddy alone was after his last surgery in August 2015. My parents kindly took AJ for a week after Teddy split his stitches open, just to make life a bit easier without having to referee two children.

Teddy and I made the most of our time together. For the first time ever, I took Teddy running with me. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, so we hit the trail for my 6-mile training run. It's been probably close to 2 years since I've pushing the stroller while running, and the most I've ever ran with it before was 4 miles. Holy cow! I either forgot how much harder it is pushing a running stroller or I'm woefully out of shape. Since I have a half marathon in a week, I'm hoping it's not the latter.

All smiles after our run! (I was smiling because we were done.)

We got to watch my goddaughter at her first gymnastics meet. Teddy determined he would like free reign of the entire gymnastics gym. There's a lot of cool looking things to climb, plenty of things to hold onto and the flour is bouncy. What could be more fun?

We capped off the day with friends over for dinner and plenty of playing outside. We brought out the swings for the first time this year, and Teddy loved that. The best part is my good friend's daughters play extremely well with my boys, and they're pretty good about entertaining Teddy. It allows me to actually carry on a conversation without having to step away every minute or two.

My plans for Teddy's naps and when he went to bed were to spend my "me" time working on a painting I've wanted to do for about a year. I made good progress during Teddy's nap, which is good because he decided to keep me company until 10:30 p.m. Although he was tired, he simply thought I was too awesome to leave alone.

My house at 10 p.m. Perfectly normal, right?

Thankfully, the upside of only one child at home is that I didn't have AJ waking me up at 6 a.m. I got to sleep until nearly 7 a.m. and enjoy a whopping 20 minutes of time to read before Teddy joined me for the day. We enjoyed pancakes for breakfast and a bit of play before picking up AJ around noon.

If it exists, Teddy climbs it.

As I had two children screaming for more than 30 minutes on the way home, I truly appreciated the blessing of having the 1:1 time with Teddy. Trust me, it's much more relaxing to just have one child screaming instead of the second one screaming that it's too loud.

Believe it or not, I actually finished my painting!

Sleep is for the Weak

As if it's not enough to spend all day chasing two young boys, sometimes Teddy goes through phases where he decides sleep is optional. As in, he'll wake up in the middle of the night and decide it's time to play ... for 3 or more hours.

Unfortunately for the rest of us, Teddy's not one who can independently play. He needs minimum supervision that requires at least one parent awake. And sometimes, just for fun, his older brother hears the commotion and decides he wants to play as well. At least AJ's usually pretty easy to redirect to bed.

Honestly, when Teddy hits these "party all night 'til the break of dawn" spurts, there's not much we can do until he is ready to sleep again. Trying to force him to fall asleep results in lots of screaming, which wakes up everyone. Usually Dave and I take turns, each spending about 2 hours with him, so we can both get some rest. Some nights, though, one of us stubbornly keeps him the entire time. (I really appreciate when Dave gets him, especially now that we have a cabinet lock that keeps all the pots and pans in the cupboard at 2 a.m. I have a hard time sleeping when those are Teddy's toys of the moment.)

One night this week was one of those party nights. It started innocently enough, with Teddy waking up coughing and miserable because of his cold. I snuggled him, gave him all sorts of essential oils and medicine and stripped half his clothes because he had a slight fever (and in his world, that's a trigger for seizures). Once the medicine kicked in, however, he decided we should play because he felt better.

This was a different night, but he had so much fun! Climbed in there twice!

With Dave out of town for work, I trudged downstairs with Teddy, set him on the floor to play and went about being productive. I put away all the clean dishes, switched the laundry to the dryer and packed up the cookies that had finished cooling on the counter. I get less frustrated when I occupy my time productively instead of just wishing I was sleeping and calculating how little sleep I was getting.

Does it make me an awful mom or an awesome mom for giving Teddy cookie at 3 a.m.? (Don't worry, I finished the rest of the cookie and didn't let him eat a whole one. That would just be irresponsible.)

When he's up like this, I try not to encourage it by taking away his pacifier and not playing with him. If he needs me to entertain him, then he can sleep instead. I've managed to get sugar cookies decorated, plenty of laundry done and some reading for pleasure during various overnights with Teddy.

This was a productive night!

This night's party ended with folding laundry, since Teddy didn't approve of my choice not to allow him to climb on the table and destroy my nicely folded laundry. He fell off the chair, bumped his head and burst into tears. After a quick diaper chance (and biting my shoulder twice), he was ready for some snuggles. Within 30 minutes  or so, he was asleep again.

It was 5 a.m. I'd been up since 1:30 a.m. I managed to fall back asleep for an hour before my alarm clock and AJ woke me to get ready for work.

You'd think Teddy would sleep in after a night like that, but he was up by 6:30. And he napped a whopping 15 minutes all day. Sleep is for the weak, and Teddy is not weak. (He's trying to teach us to toughen up, just like him.)