Why We Worry

Life with Teddy is a roller coaster, filled with incredibly joyful moments and moments that my brain blocks out to prevent me from the trauma. (I wish I was kidding, but I'm not really.) We've spent the past 2 years living cautiously because of COVID. The reality is that any illness can trigger seizures for Teddy, and seizures terrify us. 

I realize both Dave and I have anxiety regarding Teddy's health, largely due to the fact that we've seen Teddy experience terrible seizures, intubation, hospital rides and ICU stays. We've seen how worried the medical professionals were ... and realized that worst-case scenarios could exist. Dave and I had a conversation the other month discussing that illnesses could lead to seizures and hospital stays, and then Dave tossed in "death." It was somewhat of a lightbulb moment because I never realized that Dave goes to the ultimate worst-case scenario every time Teddy gets ill. 

To paint a picture of what illnesses look like for us, Teddy spiked a fever 2 nights ago in the middle of the night. He was restless for a couple hours and woke up at 3 a.m. absolutely miserable. That ended our sleep for the night, as we were getting him medicine, snuggling him and worrying, especially because we were 3 hours from home. Teddy fell back asleep for a bit until 5 a.m. when he woke up still miserable. By 6 a.m. Dave and Teddy were on the road home, and by noon he was diagnosed with double ear infections. 

He's so miserable and pathetic.

It may seem like overkill to take Teddy in to the doctor for essentially a fever and a few occasional coughs on the same day he started with symptoms. Yet, he's non-verbal, so he can't tell us what he's feeling. We never know the full picture of what's going on, so at least a doctor visit can rule out some things or give us answers. 

This time we got lucky in the sense that we got answers: double ear infections. We were able to get antibiotics into him the first day. We rotated Ibuprofin and Tylenol every 3 hours, except when he was sleeping.

Dave slept in Teddy's room to keep an eye on him, and Teddy started getting restless again in the middle of the night. By 3 a.m. he was up with both of us in his room, snuggling him, laying on either side with him in the middle just moaning and whimpering with us worrying and waiting for him to feel better with the medicine. And that was the end of restful sleep for any of us.

That's just a snapshot - a cold isn't just a cold. It's a ball of nerves and worry until Teddy's on the mend. An ear infection is sleepless nights and worry. Fortunately things are looking up this time, as Teddy finally perked up near the end of today asking to go outside and actually smiling and laughing. 

This smile gives us hope and a bit of peace.