Life Lessons and Next Year's IEP

I mentioned last week some frustrations with Teddy's recent IEP but didn't go into much detail. The past week has involved several e-mails and calls to follow-up on those concerns, some of which I initiated and some that I didn't.

Here's my takeaways, which are written as much for your interest as to help me remember a year from now what I need to do:

1. We talk a lot at work about assuming positive intentions. Odds are really good that no one is setting out to ruin your day or make your life harder. Obviously if someone is on Teddy's team, they care about children who require additional assistance. Granted, it's a lot harder to put this belief into practice in the moment when your focus is what's best for your child.
2. I need to be better prepared for Teddy's IEP next year. I need to request a draft copy in advance to the meeting, so we can review and make notes. There's so much to fit into a 1-hour meeting when you have a special education teacher, adapted physical education teacher, speech therapist, occupational therapist, physical therapist and nurse who all have sections to cover, much less parental concerns or observations. I know it's more work for the team to get that to us in advance, but it really helps us have a better meeting. Also, honestly, it helps me be better prepared emotionally, which leads me to the next point.
3. IEPs are hard on me emotionally. They are essentially a meeting that is focused not on your child's successes, of which there are many. The purpose is to really address those areas where your child needs additional supports to be successful. We all know there are many wonderful things about Teddy and what he does in school. Although we get snippets of these, that's not the point of the IEP. And if everything was wonderful, we wouldn't have an IEP in the first place.
4. I already put a sticky note on the calendar for September to get the names of everyone on Teddy's team. Each of the past three years, his team has been completely different each year with the exception of one consistent person from the school district between early childhood and 4K. It seems like the therapist teams aren't sorted out until the beginning of the school year, so I need to give them a couple weeks to get their ducks in a row. But then I need to insert myself in a positive way into their row of ducklings and open the lines of communication. Teddy might be brand new to them, but I've got years of experience with him.
5. When situations at school frustrate me, I need to reach out through the appropriate channels for resolution. I made one or two comments on my blog last week, but I also did reach out via Teddy's teacher to each of his therapists to thank them for their time and/or address concerns. That's the right approach. My plans to do an in-depth therapeutic (for me) breakdown blog post of the IEP wouldn't solve anything. I realized I wouldn't be writing that post as soon as Teddy's principal called me this week.
6. Teddy's principal cares about Teddy and wants to hear our feedback. Apparently this wasn't the first blog post that provided feedback to the school. I hadn't realized the reach of my words, not just who is reading this blog, but also the effect of certain posts.
7. It may not be pleasant to have those difficult conversations with people with whom you disagree, whether approach, word choice or perceptions. But the conversation I had with Teddy's speech therapist left me feeling much better, and reaffirmed my first lesson to assume positive intent. We never know what someone else has going on in their lives, so despite my belief that you set everything else aside and focus on the issue at present, people need a little grace. Of course, I can say this because I now am confident that Teddy's best interests are at heart. If I feel like someone isn't doing his or her job at the detriment of Teddy, well, that's another story. That's the mom in me, coupled with an HR background. 
8. I put a lot of pressure on myself for the outcomes of Teddy's IEPs. I feel additional pressure, in part, because Teddy cannot speak for himself. More preparation in advance will at least make me feel like I'm doing all that I can.

This post from Speech and Language Kids should be required reading for me before each IEP.

So in addition to the positive follow up, I have a chance at redemption for preparation and feeling like I'm doing my best for Teddy. As it turns out, he has his first reevaluation yet this school year. Although we've never been through one yet, I already started e-mailing information and questions last night to his team to prepare.