Big Feelings

The last couple weeks we've spent time in our household talking about big emotions and how to handle them. The conversation largely occurs with our older son, who is feeling fatigued from COVID, stressed by virtual learning, and learning some tough lessons on consequences. He's capable of understanding these topics, expressing his feelings and learning to work through good coping skills. 

Even with that comprehension level, it's still tough to work through these times and the big feelings that come along with life. We struggle with that on nearly a weekly basis. 

Now imagine those struggles with a child who is a mystery. It's a mystery how much Teddy actually understands. We don't have a good gauge of this because it often depends on whether Teddy is willing to complete a task. If he's interested, he can do some pretty incredible things. 

It's a mystery what Teddy is thinking. We have guesses, and sometimes it's obvious. Other times, there's no way to even guess at what is going through his mind. I've often said that selective mind reading would be the superpower I would pick if given the choice. 

Life from Teddy's perspective ... still doesn't shed much insight on his thoughts. 

To combine both of these challenges, it's really tough when we say "no" to Teddy. Sometimes we understand what he wants, but we're still saying "no" to ice cream for breakfast or playing in the sink like it's his own personal waterpark. It's hard to know if he understands that we understand or if he thinks we're clueless. 

Sometimes it's easy to redirect Teddy to something different, and other times he's obsessed. When that happens, it becomes physically redirecting him, so that our basement isn't flooded from a kitchen sink waterpark. (Seriously, this is our battle lately. It gets water everywhere, his clothes need to be changed because they're soaked, dishes get broken and he drinks arsenic water. Other than that, no issues with it.) The challenge I have is that Teddy is getting so big that physical redirection, when he really wants something, gets to be a tougher challenge. He's got a good amount of size behind him and sheer determination. 

Then when he doesn't get his desired outcome, I swear he feels unloved. He melts into tears, sobbing, like we hate him. This can last for a few minutes to longer periods, like 30 minutes of miserableness. It often takes something significant for a change of pace, like going for a car ride or outside, to get him to shake the sadness. He definitely doesn't understand that we're not happy with his actions, not him as a human being. 

Ugh, big feelings are tough for kids. And they create big feelings for us as parents. Guess what? Those are tough, too.