Wearing a Mask Isn't a Personal Decision

If you strongly believe that it's your right to choose whether to wear a mask during the coronavirus pandemic, then you might not want to read this. On the other hand, it might a good idea if you could read it with an open mind to understand our perspective.

Teddy cannot wear a mask. He simply does not comprehend that it needs to stay on his face and removes it the same way he does every pair of sunglasses or hat that we place on his head. It might stay on for a period of time, anywhere from literally a second to 30 or more minutes depending on the hat and whether it has a string for him to chew on. See, Teddy has extreme sensory needs that include the constant need to chew on something, so something covering his mouth is only going to end up in his mouth. And a potentially contaminated mask does not belong in his mouth. Or shoved onto my head, which is also realistic because he likes to place the items he removes on other people.

Teddy also took an ambulance ride to the ER due to strep throat. He had another ambulance ride and ICU stay for an ear infection and stomach bug. Any illness, particularly one that causes a fever, can trigger seizures. And sometimes, those damn seizures won't stop. If strep throat sends him to the hospital, a reasonable person can understand why we're extremely concerned about the risk COVID poses to him. We like to pretend we don't have a medically fragile child, but the reality is that he fits that label.

So where does that leave us? At home.

Pretty much, that's the only safe place for Teddy to play, which means that's the only safe place for AJ to play. We even have to come inside when our neighbors are playing outside when Teddy doesn't understand we cannot play with or near them. We've made a few trips to parks when no one else is there, with the plan to leave as soon as someone else arrives, hand sanitizer on hand for immediately afterward and 1:1 supervision to keep Teddy's mouth off everything. We've done bike rides and runs, but only in places where there's plenty of room to distance and/or limited people.

Teddy hasn't been in a store in 4 months. Before the pandemic, he was routinely in stores at least once a week because we took him along to run errands because he loves people (and trips to stores greatly helped improve his moods when he was crabby and driving us nuts). What would it take for Teddy to be able to go into the store again? Everyone who can wear a mask to wear a mask.

You see, we understand that for masks to be fully effective, both people in a situation need to wear them. Only one person wearing a mask doesn't offer full protection. But, the best we can hope for with Teddy is partial protection, and unfortunately we have to settle for that. Because we can't isolate him at home. He needs multiple therapies to help work on the skills we take for granted: communicating, dressing ourselves, walking and so much more. He needs to go to appointments for adaptive equipment like AFOs, braces that help him be so much steadier on his feet and prevent him from snapping his ankles with his bendiness.

This graphic shared by Philadelphia Public Health sums it up pretty darn well.

The issue of a mask comes to the forefront at these appointments. At his therapy appointments, his therapists all wear masks, most often the respirator masks, and sometimes eye protection. His physical therapist informed me today that she fields a lot of questions from even her family on why she wears a mask everywhere. She said I do it to protect my kids. I know the population I work with is vulnerable. This came up because I warned her that the person who does Teddy's braces doesn't believe in wearing masks, just as a heads up in case she refers other medically fragile families there.

When we went in June for the first fitting appointment, I was surprised and uncomfortable that no one was wearing masks. For the second appointment, Dave called to request the person who worked directly with Teddy wear a mask. He did, but he also shared his thoughts on the virus being similar to the flu and how masks aren't necessary with our childcare provider. We made the same request for Teddy's appointment yesterday, and again our childcare provider took Teddy to the appointment. She and AJ wore masks ... and earned another earful. This time it was questions about where was Teddy's mask and why Teddy wasn't wearing a mask. She simply said Teddy cannot wear one due to sensory issues, which this person should know because he's worked with Teddy for 6 years. She shouldn't have to explain or defend why we're requesting a medical professional to wear a mask when interacting with our son.

Wearing a mask isn't your personal decision, any more than the decision to drive intoxicated is your personal decision. Personal decisions are things that impact you: whether you get a tattoo, dye your hair lime green, eat ice cream for dinner or even wear your seatbelt. They impact you and your health, so they still impact others who care about you if you make negative choices that lead to becoming ill, injured or deceased. But they don't pose the risk to others and they don't take away the ability of others to be in our community.

It's been said by so many in different ways. Wearing a mask isn't about you, although it certainly keeps you safer. Wearing a mask protects others, especially those like Teddy who have the double burden of medical fragility and the inability to physically wear a mask.

I'm not asking for sympathy for our situation. I'm asking for a bit of empathy, which means you'll wear a mask in public. And it means I won't have to make special requests for you to wear a mask to interact with my son and then get the fifth degree.