That sentence from AJ while I was doing dishes stopped me in my tracks. Fortunately, Dave was home as well to help steer the conversation. We've talked about Teddy needing more help and using his tablet to help him make choices, but this was the kick-in-the-gut conversation that AJ is understanding Teddy is significantly different than him.
The topic came up again today when AJ asked why Teddy doesn't have the Pizza Hut reading program. I explained that AJ didn't have that program either in 4K. AJ proceeded to say that he didn't think Teddy would have it next year. He followed up with saying that he thinks Teddy should be able to read words like "a" and "my" already.
I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts before explaining that even if Teddy could read those words, we wouldn't really know right now because we're still trying to find ways to understand Teddy better. I said that we know Teddy knows some words, like bus, because he looks for a bus whenever we say that word. I said, though, it's hard to know exactly what Teddy knows and understands. AJ's response to that was, "Right. Because you can't read his mind."
I agreed and said that I wished that I could, but there's a lot of things we're learning to understand when Teddy tells us in his own way.
These conversations are tough. I struggle to find the right things to tell AJ to help him understand and make sense of Teddy's abilities despite his differences. I know part of the reason I struggle is because I still long to hear the words "I love you" come from Teddy's mouth ... and I don't know that they ever will.
He says that phrase when he climbs into my lap at meals (and drives me nuts in the process). He says that phrase when he flaps his arms and jumps when he sees me walk into the house. He says that phrase when he snuggles into me. He says that when he covers my head with a blanket and then peeks his head underneath by mine. He says that phrase with his joyful smile.
But that doesn't stop me from wanting the words.
And that's just the wistful part of me. The practical part of me wants to know when Teddy's hurt or ill, what he wants, what he knows and what's going on in that mind of his. As I told AJ, Teddy knows a lot more than we realize.
These will be the first of many conversations with AJ as he develops a full understanding of Teddy and comes to terms with it. He's beyond thinking that Teddy doesn't do things because he's a baby and will continue to question why Teddy doesn't do things that other children his age do.
On the bright side, despite these tough conversations, AJ is already an empathetic child who is extremely helpful. (He's the only person who's ever flossed Teddy's teeth. Not even the dentist attempts that.) He
And lest this post seem disheartening, I need to end it by saying that my phrase this week has been abundantly blessed. Dave has been gone all week for work, and my mom, who often helps with the boys when we need help, is in Hawaii. Our sitter offered to help with bedtime all but one night. My aunt came up from Milwaukee for a visit, took AJ to swim class and spent one night with us. Dave's folks came down to stay with AJ while I took Teddy to swim class (and originally planned to come both nights for swim class). My friends came for dinner one night, and one brought AJ a coveted Hatchimal Collectible. Our village is here to help us raise our children. We are indeed abundantly blessed.
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