Joy to the World

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” 

These words from Henri J.M. Nouwen are true for most people, yet interactions with Teddy would beg otherwise. When I came home from work today, his smile and excitement to see me exuded joy. When I look at the board of pictures of my children at work, I see AJ's weird faces for the camera and Teddy's unending joy.

Pure joy. And I'm not sure what that expression is on AJ's face.

 Teddy, simply put, lives joyfully. That's not to say that he doesn't experience frustrations or bad days. He does, without a doubt. He has moments of every day, some more than others, that are just plain miserable (many of which could be cured with a bit more sleep). But he is a joyful child. He finds joy in the little things, like his parents coming home from work, seeing his bus for school, seeing a friend, chasing his brother and especially doing all those sassy things that he knows he's not supposed to do like stand in the toilet.

Again, that smile radiates joy.

 As his mom, especially the past few weeks, I've really struggled to choose joy every day. There's a lot of anxiety, fear and a general feeling of blah that I attribute to our escapades at the ER and ICU. I recognize the incredible blessings of our lives, particularly that Teddy recovered incredibly well to his usual joyful self, and how fortunate we are. Yet I can't deny the past few weeks have been challenging, although I feel like yesterday was the start of the upswing in my pendulum. Normally my funks don't last this long, but then again, there was nothing normal about that seizure episode.

But this post isn't about me and my struggle to choose joy. It's about the fact that I recognize the joy in Teddy. His smile, his pure happiness when he looks at other people, makes their days brighter. We've often said that his smile, complete with those dimples, is one of his gifts.

All smile. No eyes.

 Which makes this quote from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin all the more fitting:

 “Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.”