Thursday, May 12, 2016

Carrying Mountains

Life with Teddy is an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes, it's cycles of days, weeks or months where things are mostly positive and then a slump. And sometimes, in the course of a day, I manage to hit both depressingly low points and amazingly high points. The last week or so has been one of those funks for me, which is why this quote from Najwa Zebian struck a chord with me:

"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb." 

I feel as though I've been carrying mountains instead of trekking up them, enjoying the views and the hike along the way. This was what I needed to hear last night.

And then, of course, I had one of those roller coaster days today. While I was at work, I was typing a witty reply hinting about when I might be able to return to work on a schedule that resembles full time more than my hodgepodge of hours now. As I went to type, "It's only two more years before Teddy is in regular kindergarten," I almost ended up in tears. 

The reality is that Teddy will not be in regular kindergarten. He'll never be in regular school. He'll be in classrooms adapted to his needs that maximize his potential. He'll have a smile and personality that light up those classrooms. He'll be amazing because he's Teddy, but he'll never be regular. 

As his mom, that reality hurts sometimes when it sneaks up on me and makes me reword my e-mail to something along the lines of "It's only two more years before Teddy is in school for a full day." It's nothing, but it reminds me of everything.

After my work day, I picked up two very happy boys who spent the day playing outside at a park with their fantastic sitter. We came home to find a package from Teddy's running buddy Heather from I Run 4.

He looks so big opening his mail.
That's when my day went to top of the roller coaster, incredibly grateful for the support of our running buddies. While Teddy opened his mail, AJ responded to two of his buddy's messages, sending her more silly pictures and dictating his messages.
Teddy's too excited to hold still for a picture.
Teddy's buddy Heather sent him two medals, one from a 5k and the other a Darth Vader half marathon medal. Teddy especially loves the Darth Vader medal because the inside middle part rotates, so it's a perfect toy for him. Heather also sent him a runner version of Mickey Mouse. Teddy prompted attempted to nibble Mickey's nose while grinning his mischievous smile. Heather tucked in a Mickey Mouse tsum tsum (little soft Japanese-style toy for those as tsum tsum illiterate as me until I read the tag) for AJ, so he didn't feel left out. This package of goodies for the boys reminded me how lucky we are, how thoughtful people who were strangers 6 months ago can be and how good the view on the hike is instead of being buried under the mountain.

Both boys love their respective treasures!

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